I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
me + whiskey = a bad person
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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