I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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