Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
