I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
This is the high leading the old right now
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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