remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
