if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Randomize
