My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
