but the lizard people decide everything anyway
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
