if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
