i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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