tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
