It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
