Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
