Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
