what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
