I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
