i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
