dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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