Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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