I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
