you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
