i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
