Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
