wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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