I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
