She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
