please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
