we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the day after is always just damage control
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
