come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
