her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
