Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
