Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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