Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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