Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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