Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
