Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
