good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
