Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
