im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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