I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i think i have two assholes
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
