Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
