omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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