he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
