You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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