I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
