As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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