brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
