it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
