that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I believe in your delicious
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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