just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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