you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
