And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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