I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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