grandma shit on top of the toilet
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
